Let’s (all) Get to Work on Childcare
“I am not sure how you do it.”
These eight words, when uttered to any mother, can be delivered with awe, envy, judgement, confusion or even ambivalence. When my children were younger and my husband and I both had full-time jobs that required us to travel, I would struggle to come up with a good response to this comment. After a while, I learned when someone was giving me a compliment, making a genuine inquiry or poking me with their own baggage. My ability to detect the inquirer’s intentions did not come from analyzing their body language or tone. It came from reflecting on the fundamental reason why this question kept coming up- women not only assume the primary role in caring for the health and well-being of their children but, they are surrounded by messages and systems that make assistance a real or perceived obstacle.
All mothers spend gobs of time simmering over the choices that directly and indirectly impact the quality of their children’s lives. In my experience, the mental, physical, emotional health of our children consumes the minds of parents more than pretty much anything. As we “know”, our ultimate goal- the gold star of parenting- is to raise kind, connected citizens who feel a deep sense of happiness and are contributing to society in some form. So, do you stand a chance of getting the gold star if you respond to, “I am not sure how you do it” with, “I have an incredible village of people supporting my family and our child care provider(s) is the cornerstone of our village”. I mean, that response sounds like it may be deflecting, right? Well, while I cannot claim to have ever achieved gold star parenting status (not even sure about silver- maybe an honorable mention), I absolutely believe that access to high quality, reliable child care gives women the assurance that the health and well-being of their children is not in question. It gives them the springboard to, “do it”. Unfortunately, it is not as easy as it should or could be and we have to do a better job of figuring out how to make child care a priority.
Prior to the pandemic, half of all US families reported having problems finding child care which drove 64% of those families to alter their plans to be in the workforce (Center for American Progress, March 2019). The COVID-19 pandemic has magnified the childcare challenges that have been plaguing families as evident by the millions of women who have left the workforce to care for their children. While the reopening of schools and daycares may alleviate some pandemic-related child care challenges, we will not return to (or increase) pre-pandemic employment statistics for women until we dismantle the system that has disproportionately placed the burden for child care on women, increase the role of employers and create more avenues for families to have high quality, accessible child care.
Over the course of the next six weeks, I will explore some of the ingredients that go into creating and nurturing first rate childcare. I will share insight on the different child care models, provide tools for hiring and managing a child care provider, pass along advice from seasoned parents and industry professionals, offer mindfulness techniques for overcoming common yet unfounded fears about childcare and explore the role that employers and policy makers have in changing the landscape.
On a related note, access to affordable, high-quality child care trickles into some of the biggest social issues impacting our country. This series may seem like it’s barely scratching the surface or only applicable to a limited audience- and those are fair observations. Volumes can be written on how inaccessible childcare can limit economic mobility and how it disproportionately impacts women of color. Also, families living in poverty or with low socioeconomic status are at a significant disadvantage when it comes to having any optionality regarding child care solutions. As I introduce each topic, I will do my best to come from a place of inclusion and to call out where challenges and limitations may exist.
If you have advice or a personal story to share as we embark upon the world of child care, please feel free to email me. Otherwise, thank you for being a part of the exploration and stay tuned for our next update.